This post is filled with emotion, which is absolutely NOT A BAD THING.
In a previous post I mentioned how writing your feelings down on paper can help the healing process and can relieve stresses and negative energy. That’s what we’re going to discuss here.
As previously mentioned, I have been through traumas in my life that I hope you never experience. For me, these traumas are a part of me and always will be. They have made me who I am today. At a young age, I decided that I was NOT going to let these traumas dictate who I was to become.
Many years of therapy have helped me maintain that goal of not letting the effects of those traumas take over my life.
It is important that we release our negative energies while staying in touch with our feelings. As someone wise has told me many times over, “Acknowledge it, let it know you see it, feel it”. Once we do this part, then the healing can begin.
I was taking a class one semester and we were required to create a writing piece that referenced a memory pertaining to food; whether it was family, smells, or the looks of it. I had no idea what I was going to write about…
…and then it hit me!
I sat at my computer and my fingers just started typing away. It was almost as if I was outside my body watching this happen. My thoughts took me to a place of my childhood that was filled with memories but also of pain. This is when I wrote the poem “How I Remember You”. This poem helped me to heal a wound that was so deep I subconsciously put it in a box and placed it within another box and stuck it way in the back of my brain’s closet.
I want to share this poem with you because it ‘s a part of me. It’s a look into my past, be it a brief one. I share this with you because it expresses everything I am talking about above. The emotion, the wounds, the pain… all of it is there for the world to read now. The most important part is that it helped me. This beautiful piece of art, this poem, is more than just words.
How I Remember You
Let’s go fishing at the pond
Let’s learn how to clean and prep the fish Let’s dip them in eggs and then batter them up Let’s fry them to a golden brown
Let me put aside my anxiety
Let me put away my fear
Let me shout on the inside
Let me wonder why no one can hear me
This is how I remember you
Let’s go buy the freshest ground beef
Let’s grab the hamburger buns and condiments
Let’s make sure that we pat them in our palms just the right amount of times Let’s season them just right and cook them to perfection
Let me watch your large, manly hands in disgust
Let me pretend I like your presence
Let me find an animal to tell my story to
Let me carry around all of this pain you have caused me
This is how I remember you
Let’s gather the vegetables from the garden Let’s gather the eggs from the hens
Let’s set the dining room table
Let’s all feast together as a happy family
Let me wander alone in the garden with my thoughts
Let me see a monster in the darkness of my room
Let me feel frigid sitting next to the fireplace
Let me carry all of this unwelcomed weight on my child size shoulders
This is how I remember you
Let’s pretend like nothing ever happened
Let’s make food together to keep the happy charade alive
Let’s never mention it you say because I will be named a liar
Let’s make recipes so I can remember you forever in my nightmares
Let me tell the world everything
Let me take your venomous recipes and turn them into good
Let me take this ingredient of pain and turn it into a sweet recipe of life
Let me picture you no longer in this world, unable to cause anyone more harm
This is how I remember you
I can remember exactly how I felt in each of those moments above. Each of those memories has something attached to it, whether positive or negative. Pouring out my feelings into this poem was freeing, pure, and beautiful.
Don’t ever hesitate to write how you’re feeling. Even if it seems funny or awkward at the time, do it. You can always shred it or throw it away later. I just ask that you try, this could be a wonderful out for you.
The healing journey is a bumpy one but beautiful creations of art can come from it.
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